reminder

there's only a matter of reasons where i can start off with our relationship. i'm here to remind why i chose you and you chose to be with me. in the beginning of all this everything was perfectly fine, till everything started to fall apart, i try to fix it then you realize what you're doing. i don't try to fight anymore, but you continue. in the beginning of all this everything was great, we didn't have much to fight or fuss about, we were jus like HAY, we're only talking, but now we're in a relationship, things are up the level. like really high up the level where our relationship shouldn't be where everything has to be an issue to you. i don't make every issue unless they're really that reasonable to me and i should bring up to you. you find an issue everyday well most of the times. when you're having a bad day, i'm here to fix it don't take it out on me and start figthing with me. the reasons why you fight with me cause you find something that i don't fix, when i didn't even do anything at all. you just bring it up to turn it around on me, that's my fault. i thought i would be having a good regular day coming home to talk to you knowing you'll make my day much better. yes i noticed, AIM you don't like but its our only choice well mines. you're telling me you're handling, i don't even think you are in the way i thought you would handle it. you take things really.. i don't know, you jus really get mad. every little issue with you is hard to fix with you cos you continue and never stops.i'm always going to be here no matter how bad we're fighting but me and you, we butt heads but i'm dealing with you, are you? i'm trying not to cry anymore and jus let things go the way it should be between you and i. are you letting it? you expect alot me but im doing the best that i can and what i can give you. i chose you, because i know you can take care of me and realize every mistakes you make. sometimes, its even hard for you to even realize it, we have to go through a big crisis to get where we are about two times already, i don't think we need that, i mean yeah i called it, because you make me sad and i don't know what i should do anymore but i'm trying my best..no i'm doing my best to keep up with you. everything you do for me i appreciate, i mean everything. can you jus handle with the things we have right now, you chose me cos you love me and you fell for me, and i even asked you in the beginning can you handle what you're gona get? and you said yeah. after a while you told me you can't basically everything is up to you. everything is. i love you no matter what, just don't push me away don't make everything my fault, cos youre pointing it out and you want me to fix, im doing it when are you going to do your part and realize what youre saying to me? please undersatnd why im reminding how things are between us and how things were before till now.

one too many

For someone like me, i really can't handle too much at one time i tend to back down and let everything walk all over me.i don't like it either. ever since things have been falling out of place, i felt it was jus meant to happen, bound to happen sooner or later right? i try to put back that smile i always had, the normal me. yeah, i haven't been the person was before where i straight smile, loudmouth (: i noticed too. maybe all the little unreasonable things shouldn't even bother be, let things flow, life is life. its fuckin' reality. i'm jus a worrybug. i don't let things jus slide jus like that if i have second thought about it or what not. honestly, i need to relax on everything stop fuckin worrying about everything expect personally things but i mean in general. i'm too complicated. i know i've faded from my people that truely cares about me and new EVERYTHING about me when i'm down, they wouldn't let me walk around loooking sad. sorry. i never felt this way. its different but i hope you guys can accept it for me? i don't know. im trying to do what i can. so much things just keep adding on so much on my plate. where do all this stress come from? i don't know either. the good part that my family is kind of working things out. we all set our differences aside and be a family. MAYBE that one thing probably helped us alot. well i at least think so. welp, summer '09 is coming around the corner preettty sooon pretty excited jus only if i get to out of the house practically every week. 3 days is perfectly fine with me. (:

a senior in like whaat? 5 to 4 and half days? im excited. (: let's just see what this summer has in store for me.

thought it was me but it isnt

i actually never thought it was going to be someone that was hurting the most besides me, i thought i was the one giving the problems but in the case it wasn't always me. first time, ive talked my dad like that with him opening up and spilling his emotions was pretty different. yes, i cried because i knew that he was hurt, so i felt his pain. i finally understoood where we came from and wondered why he's like that to me. and i promised him that i shouldn't give up no matter what happens even thought it affects me but i promised him. to my daddy dearest, everything is going to be alright. our family is has been so disfucntion for awhile and no one can't fix it. none of us really tried. we're all hurt in different ways. we're all hardheaded,stubborn name it, were it.i love my family but i don't know why someone doesn't think about one anothers feeelings, my dad felt this way for a long time and i never knew. we really don't have that family oriented, i guess. but i know and i promie my dad i won't give up. i love my dad,he's one guy that i can always go, seriously even though i gave him so much shit.. i know he's going to be there (:

handle

i think i got this. i think.

break, it is.

maybe it is the best for the both of us. we need to fix ourselves before we go back to eachother,hopefully. there's jus alot of things that are different between us and we both can't agree with eachother, we're both against eachother. i thought i can handle but i'm already in the edge. hopefully things will go back to the way it was. i know we won't be talking to eachother for awhile till were both ready.

falling into pieces

time to open up even though no isn't going to give a shit anyways ha. i don't know what to do or what to say. yeah we've been through tough shit, we give eachother, tough love. ever since we' ve been fighting, its been hella hard, i've been putting up with every shit you give me, and i'm so calm. you keep telling me you can't treat me right, i really think that YOU CAN you jus keep going back to your old short temper because you don't know anything how to fix anything. that's why im here with you to make sure everything goes right. i don't depend on you , i got my own mind, i don't need your help, i can help myself, i'll come to you when i really need someone. i don't need to be dependence, i need to be independent. even though people take the adavtange to fuck around with, i can handle. yeah, i'm vulernable but you already know i'm learning. i've been learning alot from you. your mentality is IDGAF. i already know. everything seems to be falling into pieces, like i don't know how to put them back anymore, or one of us doesn't try to. sometimes i feel like you don't know me anymore, you can't handle how i am now. more and more everyday i'm jus praying that you won't leave or give up on us. i think were pretty legit, who gives a fuck what other people say. and to the people that you've talked to about US we're gona prove them right. don't keep thinking like youre not meant to be in a relationship is meant for you to try to work it out and make it meant to be. cos wasting your time on a relationship that you want but won't fix is dumb. there's alot of things that i can say, but im jus waiting for you to come around and fix your attitude on how to treat me, you don't need to treat me like shit and i never think it like that. all in all, you're my boyfriend, im here all the time, im not going anywhere till i know that you can't handle this anymore. if you can't, you already know just tell me. like i said before i'm ready for the best or the worst, i really think i'm ready for the best for the both of us (: i know were having a rocky start for our first official month of being together but i know we can get our relationship back on track. i care so much.

well today, hopefully i'll be seeeing you. for a short amount of time.

to cousins.

HAPPY BIRTHDAAAYS (:

vero&monica

even though i don't know which is day is your birthdays, but i know that both of yours are in the month of may and its very close to eachothers. love you,guys (:

really

fuck you, and you, oh yeah you too and you also.

FML.

so this weekend, went to oxnard for baby kylie and then watched the fight (: my wittle baby cousin will eat absolutely anything she's a fat cute baby "marshmellow" haha, shes so cute. then we went over to my gpa's house to see the fight which lasted at least 10mins,my flipino family is really crazy over the fight, 'HATTMAN' or whatver his name is completely fail and PACMAN never disappoints us! yee! but other than that things are up and down in my relationship. FML! then my phone keeps dying on me when i charge it, then when i take off the charger it only has one battery left, wtf rigght?! i need a new phone.FML once again. i neeed a new phone i need everything. today, FML even more i started something which i shouldn't have with him which i'm going to keep saying FMFUCKINLIFE! it ain't easy. whatevers shit happens. i think i became bipolar. i'm just sick of everything like me crying over everything, me trying to get my ways on what i want to do formyself. gahd everything is com-pleee-ca-ted. i'm dealing with it. sighh.. hoping things get better over the summer,hoping my parents will extend my curfew over the summer... license sooon?! i fuckin hope so!


junior year almost ending..senior year coming up
what a fuckin' journey..

daddy

okay so, yesterday i had a pretty openly talk with my dad and mom kind of. my dad had a patient that was pregoo and stuff and like she didn't want her parents to know, and like he told me that he was thinking about me right away like i was hiding something. i guess he was just concern about me. then we had other talks about everything else knowing that i told my dad i had morals and im smarter than that or whatever. yeah like it made my day. and so today i'm going out and hopefully have a good time since i'll be out annd all. i mean i don't want to get introuble or anything since my dad is letting me go out. but right now HIM, is getting me so annoyed and irritated by him so much like i don't know what to say cos he's randomly getting mad at me.
just i hope today goes well. hopefully.