i got 99 problems but a bitch aint one..

problems,problems its all i have. i have my girls problems my family problems my life problems and my "boyfriend" problem. today was jus a bad day for anything, i really shoulda stayed home and relaxed but i forced myself. the boy problem is getting out of hand. i don't know what to do or say to make things better. i cry i get mad what else? i never meant to ask that question in any way i jus had a thot of that question like question that jus random off the top of someones head. i know you love me, you know i love you but why can't you just know for the fact im HERE TO BE WITH YOU. i don't understand how your hurting so much when it was a question.i think i do but i think your jus taking really serious. honestly, iloveyou what ever you say or do or think ima let you. like i dont wana cry over anotehr guy thats giving up or im hurting him. cos really i just had enough of crying. we've been fighthing and fighting non-stop. when we fight i feel like im getting pushed away when im trying to fix things with you like, you dont want things fix you rather think to what your getting into with me? or what were fighting about. honestly, if we try to fix things together maybe we wouldn't be such mess. i like you, im not willing to loose you. i want to fix EVERYTHING UP, cause i know most of them is my fault they way i say things or do things. its jus hard the fact you take everything so seriously, yes i know your taking our relationship seriously so am i...im here with you because i think its time to try LOVE again with you. and when you told me i was about to end it, ima take "iloveyou" back, fuck that hurt so much and i felt like you were regretting it and it got me thinking but i knew you wouldnt since you told me"i love you too much, it would hurt me" then please donnt take it back i want i need it, i need you. im jus sorry for EVERYTHING,baby.i have alot to fix with you and hoping you'd let me. please come over in the morning, i wana hold you and kiss you and knowing the fact you wouldn't take anything back with me, you would continue... call me in the morning if anything please

bestfriend.

DEFINED : the one friend who is closest to you

ive been talking about this since lastnight, ive been crying being sad and all of thaat. honestly, you took things the wrong way when we said "youve changed", you told ive changed, youve told mariel she have changed WE ALL got it from you. how come you can't take it? its only the truth. at least were not lying to you. honestly, when i heard you don't give a fuck about your girls, honestly if you really don't TELL THAT TO OUR FACE. that's nothing you should be talking shit behind our backs. i never talk shit when you or mariel get mad at me, you guys have your reason to be mad, and i understood why. you in the other hand, took it the wrong wrong way. go transfer, dont care? leme ask you this.. why can't you handle the truth even though it hurts so bad? we all toook that shit from eachother. one or the other...i jus want the goodtimes to come back.today, i was really expecting you to come and AT LEAST try to work this out, but you know do what the hell you want, we're hypocrites? TELL ME ABOUT! cos really youre one too. we're jus waiting for youu...

girls? bestfriends?

i thought bestfriends stay together through thick and thin? i thought they have eachothers back in no matter what situation? i thot this and that? like what happened to us?! what made us seperate? what made us change? i remember how things would be so good with us, what happened to the old US i know were going our seperate ways but i wana know if we would still come back to eachother by the end of the day..
but one of us REALLY did change her ways of our friendship, yeah ive been holding back becos i wanted to convince you but i guess it didnt work, i want to be there for you cos basically we have one another for eachother. ive been holding back on what i really have to say, but seriously i think its time for you to strt to realize, yeah i know its your choice but it doesnt mean a dumb one. youre really making a bitch move, on the real. i didn't want to say anything cos your bascially my bestfriend that i really trust in the beginning and i learned to love you more like a sister. ever since we have bad fights we would always have our ways to return to eachother... cos we're not stupid to drop eachother friendships the fact that we love eachother makes us strong, but really regretting us and putting boyfriend>girls? is that really your choice? OKAY but you know what if it bites you in the ass dont tell me im sorry cos i know your gona come around sooner or later, im jus thinking that you might be loosing friends that are more valuable then something else. it jus sucks how we have to point everything out, but you know... all we can do is be mad all we can do isyell but nothing really truly works. its hurting us but i havent said anything cos really I AM NEUTRAL about this but im also hurting inside, im always, im mean WE ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR EACHOTHER. i have not right to tell you what to do and how to live your life, im telling you whats best for you or AT LEAST be aware of what your doing.. i know you love him, but we dont like him, we get it, but we jus dont get how you would choose him over us. -__- its basically simple and implied very well too me when mariel pointed it out to me and eman and matt. dont think im stupid enough to let you do things and get away with it. i love you and i want my bestfriends back, pleasE?

moving on is the key

okay so im bored and i jus thought about thanngs.

moving on is the key and wished ive done since the past year now. everything from then was a complete blur, i hated it cried over it and said FUCK IT so many times and that i didn't know what i wanted i was so confused so fustrated how i let things jus GO or how things went withought shit fixed then, till he happened..since august i guess was something i didn't expect. he waas like the randomest guy ever, he went "STRAIGHT TO THE POINT" to get what he wants. he gave me his number right away, i swear i was like WTF! i guess. then he calls me or i called him and there was this one time when i was hungry over the summer when i was on the phone with him, he kept making fun of me cos i was loooking for foood in the frige and he kept saying" you keep eating everything from your pantry" i hated him for saying that, thanks for calling me fat, ass! then from that point on we grew into a gooodfriendship till he started have feelings for me and i thot i had a lil incy wincy crush on this nigggaface. but inever admitted it. through the fights and him trying to make me realized that i like him. hah it was going downhill from here, if you ever read the PAST BLOGS ive posted you'd see why things were so shakey for us.but we both grew up or i say i grew up and realize instead of being in denial, and i didn't think it would coome to a good outcome of this. by november i thought through things, he tried getting over me buut iguess i couldnt let go so i went back to him everytime he left. by december ive decided to think things through even moreeeeee. then i finally agree to come to a conclusion of being with him and try something new, he's basically the total opposite of me and im the opposite of him. for the past month everything was arguing fighthing blahblahblah i think it jus shows how much we neeed eachother comfort. yes, i was hardheaded and didn't listen to him at all, he's the KING OF PEERPRESSURE,trust he is. since now its out and eveeryone knows we've beeen much happier, well he is more lol since now. we both agreeed its weird now since eeveryone knows. ever since then or all through this ive been happy, yeaah ive gotten bag on cos of how he is and what he does and ALLLA that shindig, listen, he makes me happy thaas all it matters. i know what everyones thinking, think about it twice before coming to me and loook how happy i am now since lastyear.so don't even ask why him?! jus look at me and you'll see why. even though its been hard to see him and likee i don't do much he knows how much i like him. he's prolly not that typa guy i would go for but he changed my mind and all the talks from bestfriend to his bestfriend convinced me how good of a guy he is to a girl, they told me that he cared alot about me, and if things didn't go so well he would think careless about girls, and im about to change his mind about that. he's been a goodthing, he's been my goodthing he's been my baby and he's been a goodguy to me. he promised me that he wouldn't hurt me or regret this,since ive been hurt. push comes to shove, the outcome of this is gona be something interesting between me and him. telling me " igotchu" [: thanks fag for making me blush lol. things are what it is is what it is..

baby, literally youre the biggest ass ever, jus don't make me regret alla of this..

bestfriends.

bestfriends come in and go, i rarely believe that cos my bestfriend come in and stay. im surprised on what i did, yes it was my mistake, disappoint towards you guys yeah i know. but why didn't you guys tell me earlier that you knew or kina knew what's going on. i was scared please understand that, i didn't want to disappoint you guys, remember saying "no more going back to nogales" blahblahblah... yeah trying to keeep that but really i didn't. usually bestfriends get mad through thick and thin but usually still stay around to give that company that you'll know that they wouldn't leave your side even tho theyre feircely mad at you. i understand but i want you to be understandable about where im coming from..

but the thing that kina blew me off guard "janelle seems different..i can't explain how" thaat really took me off. like i didn't know what to say. all three of us are going in seperate direction but usually we come to eachohter by the end of the day. i juuus don't do that anymore well its rare now.. maybe i did change ? is that bad? maybe it is. im waiting for both of you guys to know thaat i like to handle things by myself...
im jus waiting for you guys to come around....

There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will. - Unknown


disappointments, losing my girls but gaining them baack later.
if they understand they'd forgive me...
i can never go through a day without them..
they REALLY do fuckin' matter