hello senior year

SERIOUSLY, its already a week in school and its already done basically... gahd, i can't wait till i meet graduation day, i think thats why reality is coming so fast. LITERALLLY!

The first week is pretty chill, my first and fourth i kinda feel uncomfortable but i knew a few people but not so close to em.. then 2nd which is T.A. i like (: hahah MR JOE. then 3rd i like tooo cos i got my bestfriends there basically.. but one T.A.'s the class but i'll be there for a semester how sad :( then here comes 5th period of pre cal.. i mean its not easy but i somewhat do understand like i like trying my best it makes me feel smart and when people ask what do i have for 5th or what am i doing as homework i say "PRE CAL" just to sound smart (: honestly, i don't even know how i got to pre cal maybe i'm jus lucky that i jus pass every math with basic B+ or with a C. I'm pretty amazed myself. Like nothing isnt running through my mind right noow well not as much as alot before.. right now, things are going soo smooth i love it so much but sometimes it gets a little rough but thats what i call my life an interesting story, i think my life is full of it.. but it makes it more interesting. no, i'm not thinking of like drama i mean the things i've done and the things i've changed throughout being in highschool. I've changed like.. i remember i would dress in a EH i mean EH waaay but then that changed. I changed my physically apperance and kina mentally. I even remember how i used to hate smokers like with all my heart, but now its jus whatever to me, like i could care less well not less, jus don't do it too much yknow. in that case, when i chose a guy that does smoke which i already have, it doesn't really bother me, no guy isnt perfect and wouldnt say " OH I HAVEN'T SMOKED/DRINK" please one day or another it was gona come to anyone. NATURAL HIGH ON LIFE.

-----other cases

i gotta make my myself a fuckin independent person. A strong ass girl.

thats what i really need to become, no more depending on mommy and daddy time for my own decisions.

i call

the shots from now on...
thinking way baack where i usually stay home and be wanting to go out and i've tried accomplishing that but i think sometimes, its for the best to just stay home even though i've missed out alot this summer, well i guess not alot but the things i kina wanted to do to make my summer a little more interesting. Everysummer,i've learned to grow the fuck up and realize shit are the way things are cause well, before i use to blame someone else for making shit ridiculous..for me but actually i've been really blaming myself for everything. things are for the best and sometimes i gotta let it in. i've grown to start telling my parents its time for me to become independent well, i hope they're starting to since my birfday is in exactly 4 months and a week? yeah. legal?! HA! i'm down for it. reality is coming my way and its catching up to me, when i was little or even before highschool i've always wanted to grow up so quick, but now its coming like reaaally the next step inlife is really going to happen withhin the next 10 or 11 months from now,once i walk off my graduation and get my dipolma? or whatever..that's where i'm going to start the reality the new chapter in my life. MAYBE sometimes things are bound to happen as they should but shit happens what can you do? nothing. and since summer is about to end and i have one FULL WEEK ahead of me... and i think i have things that will make this week really gooooood knowing that i ended off with a satisfying summer not the best ,but the best than all of my other summers.

AS for things in the deeper things in life that i really care about, i'm kinda of satisfied that he is actually putting himself on check like this relationship, this last chance will judge him if i should stay with him or not. his last chance was i don't know too many final, last chances i can never give in when i'm suppose to be. BUT maybe, it's time to grow some balls and end this battle. this last chance for me and him to make everything work would make sure of us that we really do deserve eachother or maybe not. let's see what happens. our relationship went too fast like i never thought it would be.i thought things would been extra slow before i give myself to someone else knowing that i know he wouldn't hurt me as bad as the last one... the stronger i get and i've learned to become really strong mentally wise but physically wise? i'm not so sure yet. we can't predict the future but we can predict that i'm always going to be there,no matter what.

really

think something is up with him, like something is bothering him and i can't put my finger on it.
he makes me feel such shit, when im not out with him.
i get worried and curious.

feel

-ing accomplished (:



hahaha,tired.

i sorta

kina wish..

thanks for being a surpportive parent.
thanks for all the encouragement. but what encouragement? when you keep bringing me down!


too bad its all bull$hit. cos you don't even give any encouragement or support. HA!
sometimes i wish, you were kind of those parents that support and encourage no matter what happens, but you're not. i can't change that.

a step forward

things and everything i think its getting better. let's start off what i did yesterday..

rene, danielle, jr, mariel,ivan and me, went to a funeral for our loving bestfriendclosestfriend's dad. it was said to come to think about it.. like ive thought about how many already died in my family, it hurts. and danielle was crying cos it gave her the flashback of things. then after the funeral we went to the reception, not enough choices but i guess it got me full. baby, was really tired cos he's been driving everywhere and he would always ask me if i wanted to drive, but im too lazy and i don't know if i can see over his car. yknow. then after the reception we all left.. dropped off mariel and ivan it was kina nicee having us three and our boys together, thats prolly like the first time! then rene and i went to his house we tried to sleep but we couldnt. HA! then around 6 we went to buffalo wild wings. (: its prettty goood but babe got a big burger and i couldnt even finish my half! then after we went to jj's kickback, i haven't been to a kickbaaack in so longgg.. ha! kev,marvin = newbestieboo,shan, pres&stephann they were all jus wow -_- HAHAHHAHA. its whatevers let em have some fun! i was basically out the whole entire day from 9AM TO 10PM basically! amazing haha. i think my dad is ready to let me do what i want but prays for me to come home everynight knowing im alright and i will be just be more than alright, ill come home knowing that im perfectly fine! annd now im jus really tiyaaaaaaaaad. i think yesterday was basically one of the best days ever throughout this whole summmer. but schoool soon and i prolly have to change up my schedule on the first or second day of school... cos fuckin ALG 2! putaaaaas! im such a failure.and thanks to my dad for reminding how much i disappoint him and myself and how much im such a failure. i need to prove him wrong forsuree. and today we first, finally went to the church after how long ive went to twice sooo i think im going to start too more often since yeah.