i call

the shots from now on...
thinking way baack where i usually stay home and be wanting to go out and i've tried accomplishing that but i think sometimes, its for the best to just stay home even though i've missed out alot this summer, well i guess not alot but the things i kina wanted to do to make my summer a little more interesting. Everysummer,i've learned to grow the fuck up and realize shit are the way things are cause well, before i use to blame someone else for making shit ridiculous..for me but actually i've been really blaming myself for everything. things are for the best and sometimes i gotta let it in. i've grown to start telling my parents its time for me to become independent well, i hope they're starting to since my birfday is in exactly 4 months and a week? yeah. legal?! HA! i'm down for it. reality is coming my way and its catching up to me, when i was little or even before highschool i've always wanted to grow up so quick, but now its coming like reaaally the next step inlife is really going to happen withhin the next 10 or 11 months from now,once i walk off my graduation and get my dipolma? or whatever..that's where i'm going to start the reality the new chapter in my life. MAYBE sometimes things are bound to happen as they should but shit happens what can you do? nothing. and since summer is about to end and i have one FULL WEEK ahead of me... and i think i have things that will make this week really gooooood knowing that i ended off with a satisfying summer not the best ,but the best than all of my other summers.

AS for things in the deeper things in life that i really care about, i'm kinda of satisfied that he is actually putting himself on check like this relationship, this last chance will judge him if i should stay with him or not. his last chance was i don't know too many final, last chances i can never give in when i'm suppose to be. BUT maybe, it's time to grow some balls and end this battle. this last chance for me and him to make everything work would make sure of us that we really do deserve eachother or maybe not. let's see what happens. our relationship went too fast like i never thought it would be.i thought things would been extra slow before i give myself to someone else knowing that i know he wouldn't hurt me as bad as the last one... the stronger i get and i've learned to become really strong mentally wise but physically wise? i'm not so sure yet. we can't predict the future but we can predict that i'm always going to be there,no matter what.