what a

goood daaaaaaaaay! passed my driving test at the strictest dmv ever. just got lucky, got the same route, most of all the lights were all greeen and i think i got the guy that everyone had, so im licensed (: annd i got to see my baby 2ND day in a row.we went to the village meet up jj and others. theen we went to get my eyebrows done. FINALLY. then i went home, at least i saw him thats all it matters. so now THIS IS SO FAR THE HIGHLIGHT of my summer. beach this friday? or maybe next friday!? don't wana ask too much but i'll try.

oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY COUSIN MICHELE,

you're legal now, bitch.(:

this

summer is becoming one good one actually even tho i haven't been out much yet, but the fun will come around. anyways, lastnight i had the worst meltdown ever, like i didn't know what was wrong me i couldn't sleeep til 4AM knowing that something was wrong me, i tried to sleep it off but i keep opening my eyes? no it wasn't him, i was jus being weird. but everyday, things have been falling into places in life itself, but not in my relationhsip we keep making a deeper hole and we can't fix, i mean we both have some reasonable reasons to be the way we are but we don't intend to. well i at least don't intend to be this way. gah, i need tooo stop all this dumb dramatic shit that's coming my way.
anywho, where's my girls?! yeah i don't know. surprisely my bestfriend mariel came and visited me likee thursday with her boyfriend and his two dogs well, one of them was really his. oh how ive missed her. and the other one well, she getting her own life on. even though i havent been going out lately, im not trying to ask too much to go out as much as i want too, im trying not tooo. my girls and i haven't really REUNITED together yet, well hopefully soooon. i don't know im jus loooking at the possiblities.
honestly, i finally figured whose really there for me from the start and to the beginning of everything and ending. it really opened my eyes. i actually have TWO real bestfriends and enough close friends for me to trust them from the bottom of my heart.
welp, two more weeeks, maybe going out this weeek i should try before i got to schoool 7HOURS of hell, damn gamboa had to dropped cos he's lazyasss couldnt put he's head down and he had to give up after 4days, FAG(:

one

too many FINAL chances.

....please don't make me feel like i shouldn't have given it to you.

we're both not ready to say goodbye yet.

Dear Rene

why is everything happening this way? i thought we woulda moved forward by now? rene, ive been hurt so many times by you and i don tknow how much i can take, i do so much for you put up with everything. it jus hurts knowing that youre only crying cos you don't want me to leave when im crying about everything. you keep telling me youre not making me happy anymore well try, i'm still waiting. by this day, we've been fighthing every day, youve been having weird thoughts, feelings,vibes? where are all these coming from. i 've always asked you where are you getting this from and your answer is I DON'T KNOW, till now you tell that you think im going to betray you and your waiting for me to fuck up so we can break up? is that how your planning to leave me? and ive always asked two questions every day, and you lied to me every day knowing that you don't have doubts and that you do trust me but it comes out that you don't trust me and you do have doubts. honestly, why wait youre gona be hurt IF it does happen? yknow? im crying, putting up with all this BS, were not even close to trusting eachother. i trust you 100% and you? how come im doing so much for you in our relationship? i put so much effort and care for you and this is how you treat me? who gives a fuck about how many guy friends i have, its not gona change. you can't tell me who not talk to, when did you start taking over my life? yea i know your jealous but it doesnt mean for you get to get all mad and uptight. i honestly don't know what to do. i love you with all my heard, i want to leave but i can't. there's so many reasons for me to leave you a long time ago but i stayed strong for you and me and for both of us to have the healthiest relationship no more damn rollercoaster. i don't knoe what we really are? all i have to say, thanks for everything. i love you.

i'm actually

busy for once, seriously. last weeek vegas till tuesday then practice wednesday. DAMN. lol
i've never this busy my parents arent exactly complaining like the use too.. but hey i dgaf (:
tomorrows the DEBUT and i need to get the steps down and be on the same level and beat and don't go to fast. FML. haha i suck (: hanging out with westco people, prettty DOWN. seeing josh calderonooooo, after how long? DAMN ive seen him once in a lifetime that suuucks. buut HAAAY (: he's gay and i'll always miss him.

other than that, there's so much things going on my head betweeen my relationship, theres soo much ups and down i don't think im ready to give up? AM I? cos if i am, i would been gone BUT im not. i told you i will never leave unless you give me a reasonable reason to leave. its jus that i don't wana keeep letting things slide, and saying its okay and forgiving you all the time, like its not fair to me when you don't let things slide. but HEY, i love you thats all that matters. we jus need to compromise and help eachother to get through this, next week will be back to my schedule i get to rest, sleeep all daaaaay.

SO TIME TO GET REST, TOMORROWWW, i better get it down or else. HEHEHE.

randomly

so this time last year, i was a complete mess, yeah sorry for bringing it up but it jus hit me how much i went through to move on yknow? getting into dumbshit.but whatevers. but sometimes i wonder am i going back to that AGAIN?! cos sometimes between me and him right now are literally, falling and falling hard. til one of us jus gives up, one day i won't let things slide cos i do it too much. when can i carry myself and let things go as they should?! bleh. my headhurts,i don't need no more heartaches ,please god.

anyways, schoooool in a month-ISH. fuck my life dot com. AHAHAH. but its okay if i wana get ahead i do it. so i decided so far saving some $$$ for a new phone, and after save more for baby's new ipod touch. (: yeah cos he's already spoiling me, and im going to spoil him equals happy HAHA so ive been bored out of my mind, literally four days past and im bored! not that this never knew cos i never get out but i havent made anyplans exactly, i jus thot if i jus get a plan i would go but that's not the case till i drive -__- the only plans ive gotten so far, is spend time with baby but don't know when, debut, alyssas&&janelle fridays(hopefully), janelle&alex's bonfire(MAYBE). sigh. welp everyone is getting off schoool this weeek, and this weird weather cos the damn sun isnt out is making me lazy as fuccck ive been in bed all mothafuckin day on this laptop.


WELP, summer should really really LITERALLY start sooon. even tho it started on thursday. (:

new experience

i'm always having new interesting experience during summertime.
what an interesting first day of summer (: jus need the sun to come out.
but i like how it starteed.

to do list

for summer:
-go to justines debut
- REMINDER: go to southcoast picture place to get an appointement for senior picture then take it on my appointment day. AND registration for CLASSES call in EARLY!
-beach at least twice or three times
-amusement park?
-out all daay
- party UP (:
-movies
-get 4th piercing, toungue or another on the ear
-be with my baby 24/7, hopefully when i drive
-sleeep all day,plaay all night, we'll see
-try to have a girls day?, if you BOTH aren't busy withchaboys.
-sleeepovers at baby's house.
- buy baby's hats (:
-have an official first date with Rene. 2MONTHS SOON (:
-spend time with familia
-shopping
-LA, PROMENADE,OLD PASADENA, somewhere to visit random places.
- kick it with BUBBA and go besties houses with welcome visits (:

make the BEST OF THIS SUMMER, basiccally.

live it up this summer (:

-SENIORYEAR! im fuckin excited

one more day

tomorrow! lastday of being a junior, damn its be a fuckin journey, ups and downs.

FAAAACK it. (: senioryear?! what do you have in store for me?!

damn, senior already, i think i'm fuckin' ready for it.