last of it.

“sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"

I think I've been reminding myself that all the time, i've caught myself saying over and over. Things are really over but I don't think they are. I was wondering through the time being how i miss you're comfort, the way you call me BABY, that feeeling that i'm going to miss.The way you held me made me feel i was needed/cared/special. I want to thank you for making me alot stronger when i didn't need to be weak. You gave me those feeelings that i wanted to feel when i was with someone, like you. You gave me the feedback i needed to have, whether we had our really horrible rollercoaster, i can see myself knowing that i can pass all of that and see that i can make this rollercoaster perfect at least somewhat. I never thought i'd end up leaving and just put myself in the position. I never thought i had the guts to do what just happened. Maybe, its just i'm really fed up with the problems we have, maybe i had enough with all the same thing and later the outcomes comes around and it never really meant anything to even say. I remember how i'd look at you, and you looked at me and the first time you said those three words, by the way my heart skipped a beat (that was probably corny) but it was true.

The reason why i don't think that they're exactly over is because I'm still thinking of you, but it won't matter because you're always going to be apart of me. I look at my girls relationships and observed them and how they are with eachother, seriously, i wish we were that great but this is where we ended up but i know this isnt over, completely it's just over right now. Loooking pass everything and looking at our pictures makes me wonder how far we woulda went if we didn't have that big blow up, we woulda had the best capablitiy to do what's best for us. Lastnight, i read you're card you gave me, yeah it made me cry because it was something that brought to my attention before i went to bed.

Sometimes, I'm jus ready for the worst at the bad times but I'm learning from everything. Don't get me wrong, this isnt completely over, its just over now.