i gotta stay

on my grind cos its my time.

obviously im kind of a failure in life not enitrely but education wise. like why?! honestly, maybe i should start changing my actions cos this is bullshit if you think about when things can be so much better if i jus change my actions towards things, things would much easier for me and for everyone else. i'd be more happy and more statisfied with life. yknow. i mean i can't stand it anymore, building up failure then stress out in the end when, if you think about it you're not gona reach it, only if you're jus really good at it. time to change up my actions, i can't stick to jus building up failures then stress out, no i wana build up successful and not stress out, senior year seriously, i need to pull through cos if i do, i can really think about things later on in life, if i wasn't so fuckin lazy, i think about other things thats so stupid and not even neccessary when it comes to REAL important things in life others are jus there like a prize for you to look forward to you. i don't know, i jus really need to stop being lazy ass fuck! seriously. i need to get back on the grind where i use to do everything so well. bleh. im so full of disappointment in myself like i don't even know anymore how am i suppose to live up and jus stand there knowing okay, i barely got there but its okay, no its not cos sooner or later it will get to you and you won't be barely there and it happened to me..surprisely and shocking. i'm not even proud anymore, i use to think its okay you have next year, this fuckin' realitly. there's no more next year, either i do it right or yknow jus forget it. i need, i must DO IT RIGHT to get where i wana get to. eh..

venting venting thas all it takes.

seriously

get fuckin used to it....

three minus one

equals two left of bestfriends sticking together.

so you basically took forever telling us what's been going on with you and why you really left, yyaeh we read your tumblr, and it toook you that long? i mean yeah i know things bother you for a long time, but it doesnt it mean you jus had to leave and let us wonder why she isnt here.. but obviously alot of things bother you alot, and us two never left you whether things bothered us, we never left we put up with it. isn't that what bestfriends do? put up with eachother whether we like it or not, we love each other through thick&thin? and i mean, i understand what you're talking about and everything. i mean yeah its true, but youknow things jus stopped, when you weren't around anymore me and her would always talk about "where's mariel!?, she's never here" we've got asked about you so many times and we jus say "oh she's with ivan, spending the last few days with him" which i totally understand that. you tells us, "i miss you guys" then come back let's have those fun exciting weird moments with eachother..i mean i'll call you my bestfriend and i'll have you're back whether things are shakey. i put it down for you, babygirl. i still gotchu. but isnt it weird though like, you have the same provider as us annd you can't still mangage to answer it? you won't waste any minutes, yes i know you don't like it but we're your 'BESTFRIENDS'. i guess like what she said, "no more trio", i have to admit, its kina true..no more i miss you guys, SHOW US BY ACTION you really do miss us, come back, we need you here with us, we're incomplete..and its sucks.

i put my mind on the money

&& money on my mind
FUCK ALGEBRA2! -____- HA!

but anywhose, summerschoool ALMOST DONE, one more full weeek! and im hoping things will jus start to move up..seeing people more than i use to over the past few summers, i like it! (: but there's one thing that's making me feel different around one particular person, ive read her tumblr and honestly, tell us the reason why you left? i mean i understood why but it said there was another reason? just tell me or tell us. im jus waiting for you to come around or we are at least.

oh btw, again for the past 4 weekends, my boyfriend is drunk once again.

how come

everything happen all of the sudden,
driving around, its pretty fun. I LIKEEE IT, like i love you. (:

shiiii, experiences THIS summmer hella weird!
i should do the exact opposite. (:

you're

making me go cuhhrrraazy, babyboy.

schoool tomorrow 2: 30 to 9ish. 7HOURS yeah ima die.
anyone call me if you want a late night visit, and i'll give it to you.
almost threemonths! (: still strong.

im the only one to blame

"Cause I'm always saying, It's ok, it's alright I put the pain away and let it slide I forgive and forget it And then you promise me I won't regret it But I do, it's not right Because I turn around and let it slide And I'm crazy for thinking That someday you'll change things when you keep on crossin' the line Something about you won't let me go Maybe hes fedup of better being alone I, keep saying I'm gonna move on But it's so hard when your all that I know But I, Say you wanna talk but you just push me away Tell me your leaving when I want you to stay Never thought that loving you would hurt me this way But I'm the only one to blame Cause I'm always saying It's ok, it's alright. Boy I wish I didn't give in so easily Oh, I don't know what to do Cause I keep on feeding the flame,Then I should really be telling you we're through.It's ok, it's alright, i think we'll be fine."

i'll put the pain away and i'll always forgive you.

its pretty

ridiculous, i know youre my mama but you can't always jus be on my a$$ about every single thing. i love you with all my heart, but lately you've just been on my case for the longest time, non-stop yes i know you jus want me to be safe and protected but i can take care of myself even though im not that great at doing it i know from right and wrong, plus im seventeen years old going on eighteen in about 6 months, i think its time to start being independent whether my decisions are wrong or right, i'll learn. you can't always agree on everything i do. its jus gahd, it doesn't stop like you're still tripping about the phone thing, and its been AWHILE! it never really stopped whether you heard me on the phone then when you come to me, you get mad when i was jus on for like 10mins tops. its freakin summer what do you expect me to do. i'm listening, not arguging. im jus trying to make the best of this summer but too bad i can't tell you this cos you'll make it sound so negative, and i make things so negative. we have our tough times i jus want to start doing my own thing, independent girl, mama. i wish i could tell you this but i don't think it will ever happen.. but who knows like i said i hope you'll come around like daddy did.

something i

wouldn't do is cut my hair so short that i'll start missing my long pretty hair even tho it was soo much but i guess trying something new might be good, i think? sigh, -__- basically, i have a weeek left before i go to schoool -___- fuck my life dot com. for 7hours ima die. welp, its worth it. so next weeek i kina wana get out a little more. (: