leave or stay

i swear i thot you were around for friendwise.i really thot. i know i fucked up reading that whole conversation was a hell of a mistake, its actually a mistake to keep you around when you wanted to leave. im ashamed that you've been like this... i give you too much and i think you shoulda listen to other people. then DO IT leave. you don't wana stay im actually wanting you to leave, fuck it if you matter i dont care i thot you did but i changed my mind. i cared soo much about our friendship and you know people will know i can waste people time? thanks?! i dont fuckin waste people time when I KEEEP GIVING THEM HINTS about wsup. annd we've been through this time after time. "its hi and bye" fuck that shit. you've been on my mind i was planning not to give a fuck about anyone says that they wouldnt approve BUT FOOOOOOL i was jus gona change that jus for you. but no. i can't now since you wana leave then leave. im not holding you back anymore im done doing that to people that matterd to me! all guys want from me is a relationship and if they dont get what they wants its "hi and bye" typa shiiiit! i can't deal with anymore i gave up. YOU WIN! fuck everything we even had as friends. do what you want. im done with shit like this. i cant handle it anymore. im not gona cry caaaaaaaas i know its the best for things and us. i'll still care but i dont want to cas you were part of my life but your jus gona walk out like you did well almost. now its time to walk out.
i fuckin hate shit like this. i thot you knew, i thot you knew wsup i thot this and that! we have this damn arguement EVERYTIME!

but what the fuck can i do... im done, i gave up. have a fuckin goodlife. i hope youll find someone that you want and wants you back.

i miss you

i miss you where are? what happened to us being friends? do i have another guy friend that i've gotten so close to gone? again.. it happened before and it happens again. do i really make guys loook like a dummy? or maybe its because they get mad because i don't give guys what the want? its that why you jus laying off on our friendship?
really? caase that jus gets me mad... like you said you don't wana end it or drop our friendship, imissyoufool. there's something i want to say but it doesn't matter because i guess your still hurt or you jus trying to forget about me. are you trying to forget about? thats how everything is.. well for me and not talk to me later on when I DO SEE YOU or maybe when i see you you'd talk to me then when im not around or what not we don't talk? i don't understand how this helps. it tells me you don't really care. what person does this?
its amazing how im not really thinking about it till i say " imissyou" in my head. maybe im jus messing up for you. what can i really do now? everytime i talk to you its AKWAAAAAARD! like really. uggh.

oveer my heaad..

let's just say things are up and down right now..

i think too much and i think OVER it. there's so much im going through right now. i wonder how im gona be when i turn seventeen which is in a month.. are my parents gona change how they treat me as im sixteen? caaause they are mad strict on me, life is bullshit to me right now. buut im guessing im realizing everything but sometimes when i do i don't listen to it. i jus blow it off all the time. i think its because im not listening to myself not suppor in myself. i fall back to where i was when i was starting to move forward instead i go backward.
so much problems but you know im going to change that ASAP. pleaaaaase let that HAPPEN!

rigghht now he's been making me happy, yeah i haven't talked to him but like crraaap i REALLLY think its jus the wrong time to talk talk to anyone caaaaas i can't reallly do anything? nah meaan? he's been making me soo happy its like wow where did this come from? i havent beeen like this? buut i don't wana give up on it. i really dont, but im so unsure. its like BAAAAAAAAAAAAADtiming. effff!

ive realized alot and matured a little i hope later on this will give me a way to prove my parents i can do it. [: