is it tough love or what?

lately, is it jus me or im jus ruining my life? am i jus fucking up becos i don't get what i want or imjus too spoiled. i wonder if im ever making my parents happy? or even satisfied. can my life get anymore worst? i feel such shit. "don't do anything bad or you'll dad will kick you out of this house" really?! then why hasnt he done it? or he's giving me tough love but why isnt my mom trying to back me up? like i don't understand yeah they care but why threatening me? is it the only way that im gona start listening, ive been trying to pull through trying to stand strong and not fallback through all this shit. even if i runaway they're ready to kick me out, yeah strict parents? wtf can i do. i know they're doing things for the best for me but i mean by treating me like shit, don't even ask how im feeling about all of this. maybe life would be easier i wasn't around maybe things would be better, so i wouldnt cry anymore or maybe even give them shit that they'll get mad about. i have nothing to go too. i mean i do buut how? i don't know i think they dont give a fuck about how i feel? im fuckin growing up your telling me this shit? ready to kick me out? then do it. cos no one isnt gona try to get me anywayys. like who would? my mom is too scared to go against my dad cos he threatens to leave maybe i should jus leave or get away for awhile i don't fuckin know. i have the shittys life eveeer..i don't know if it jus tough love or what? maybe it is and im jus overreacting.

good and the bad

i haven't updated in here for so long so i might as well start too. BAD TO THE GOOD NEWS.
in the PAST month everything has been shaking for me. unlce pilo passed on R.I.P. it jus sucks how we rarely see him at our family parties especially he is a really dope uncle, and found out he was in/or going to be in a gang, REAAL THUG. [: i miss him though. i think if he was still here on earth he woulda taught me things that i wouldn't eeven know. suuucks seeing my aunt and my cousins cry cos it hurt me so much to see them cry especially that i rarely see him throughout the time he was around the REST of the family. 10 out of 11 left. im too scared now. withthin the past month 3 people from our family passed on and im kina scared but not thinking abouuut it.
THEN, my phone bill came in which i toook before my dad did. it was kina heartbreaking cos now me and my dad aren't exactly talking. sometimes i feeel like my family is so disfunctional, we only talk to eachother if we NEED something which is weird. my dad has been giving me the silent treatmeant and im scared. im really stupid, for all this time ive beeen fucking up with my dad, taking things for granted not even thinking twice about it. im hurting myself and hurting my family, i think ive been the reason why things aren't going the way it should be in our family. ive been fucking up alot and ive realized how much pain i put my parents into. i think im jus gona start putting up with shit that i don't like and not to trip about it cos i deserve every punishment i deserve for what ive already done. its suuucks but i think its better for me to realize what ive been doing.
NOW THE GOOD PART.
i think he's beeen the goodthanng in my life. he's been the reason for everything. i can hate him but i really do like him. he tells me he woulda do this and thaat. trusting him alot. its jus hard cos he's constantly out we fight toomuch but i know by the end of the day i know he'd come back to me and i would go back to him in no matter what situation. fighthing has been the reason for awhile now i think its beecos we don't see eachother when we should be seeing eachother. but i see him every saturdays for alittle then sometimes he visits and now its my turn to see him. [: he's my gooodthanng.

now im sleeepy and i think i might knock out hella early tonight [: kbye mishyou,nigga.